God vs Science

A sermon by the Reverend B. Von Goebbels

Science is always coming up with all kinds of fancy equations to show that they are cleverer than God and make us Christians look like childish and deluded, dimwitted morons, which we are not. There are many mysteries that science cannot explain. God in his eternal wisdom has given unto me this holy equation which can be used to answer any religious or scientific question.

If X does not = Y then Z = faith, so God.

Scientists are easily fooled by the Devil’s tricks like dinosaur bones and the such trying to make us think the earth is 4.5 billion years old to give time for evolution to happen. They also dispute things like the resurrection, but they were not there to measure whether it happened or not. We all know a black hole is really a gateway to hell; obviously dark matter and dark energy are the devil’s work whispered into the ears of naive scientists. Darwin’s theory of evolution has been debunked by religion so many times.

Evolution and God

Evolution vs the bible – God wins every time.

God also made the stars. God spends a day making light (before making the stars) and separating light from darkness; then, at the end of a hard day’s work, and almost as an afterthought, he makes the trillions of stars. Genesis 1:16

It is heresy to suggest the universe is six billion years old when the bible clearly states the entire creation took only six days or that humans were not created instantaneously from dust and a spare rib, but evolved over millions of years from simpler life forms.

The virgin birth is another area where science makes a mockery of religion. The idea that Mary mother of Jesus, was making up a story about the angel of our Lord impregnating her and that it was really some drunken Roman centurion is preposterous. That would make Joseph look like a complete tool. So it definitely happened just the way Mary said, God’s ghostly penis entered her while the angels looked on blowing trumpets and she gave consent afterwards.

God’s rohypnol is wearing off and Mary is a bit confused ““How can this happen?” Mary asked the angel. “I am a virgin.”

“Not anymore Mary,” the angel told Mary “the Holy Ghost has been all up inside you.” Luke 1:34

The Holy Spirit came in her “Mary and Joseph had promised to get married, but before they started to live together, it became clear that she was going to have a baby. She became pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  … seems totally legit. Matthew 1:18

An angel tells Mary about the holy virgin conception

An angel visits Mary to tell her that God secretly put a bun in her oven.

Joseph does need a little reassurance, but as Joseph was thinking about this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, don’t be afraid to take Mary home as your wife. The baby inside her is from the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 1:20

“Really angel, no shit!” said Joseph.

This is the only time that God personally gets a bit rapey with a human. Joseph what a guy! Not everyone would have believed story of a pregnant virgin wife that God somehow impregnated. Just because science says that we need an X and Y chromosome to create a baby they forgot Z = Faith, so God.

Religion vs Science

Religion will always kick science in the ass and win hands down.

God makes complex things simple and simple things complex for example making a giant great universe then explaining it with a children’s fairy story. Einstein created E=mc2 because he had lost his faith so it was obviously Lucifer who told him this one so mankind could make a nuclear bomb for Armageddon.

Adam and original sin

A sermon by the Reverend B. von Geobells

I have just had the most amazing revelation from God. He has revealed his inner thoughts to me through the teaching of the bible. It has come to my attention that the original sin with which we all suffer and Jesus was sent to save us from is all because of Adam.

Even Lucifer is just dishing out the punishments, it’s not his fault we are all sinners. This is Adam’s cock up here. There was one simple rule “don’t eat of the tree of wisdom” (apple tree) and he had to fuck it up. Not saying that Eve wasn’t a bitch for tempting him, but it was his fuck up. Maybe even Lucifer, as a talking snake was merely seeing if God would dish out some wacky punishment on someone else as well.

Adam & Eve cockney rhyming slang.

Would you Adam and Eve it?

Because God loves us all he also sent his only son to be tortured to death on Earth, because this makes it all better. It’s like God is a judge in a court with a criminal before him and when the sentence of execution is read out he says “No don’t execute the guilty man, kill my innocent son instead so I can show you all how fair and loving I am”. A bit unfair on Abraham again that God is allowed to kill his son, but Abraham not. Stinks of double standards but that’s God.

God did actually say, ‘You must not eat the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden. Do not even touch it. If you do, you will die.” . This turned out to be a bit of an exaggeration, since they both ate a bit of apple and did not die. Adam genuinely shits himself “Lord God called out to the man. Where are you?” he asked. “I heard you in the garden,” the man answered. “I was afraid, because I was naked. So I hid.”  : Genesis 3:9.

So it is Adam that we should hate for condemning us to original sin and not Lucifer, since he was already in the shit with God for not serving. It’s that bellend Adam’s fault the world was flooded and then poor old Jesus had to come back to be tortured to death in order to save us. Even If you are an Aborigine in the middle of the outback who has not even heard the word of God you go to hell by default, because of Adam’s sin. What a cunt!