Humanity is at a crisis point; people are understandably scared; these are perilous times.

I hope to bring a little joy to those thinking about doing something silly like topping yourself because President Trump lost the election. Well, he didn’t lose it as you know, he had it stolen from him by a blood-drinking Satan worshiper.

Do not despair; this is all part of God’s plan.

I don’t know why Christians often worry so much about the state of the world when everything is God’s plan. For example, freaking out against COVID and bleating on about wearing masks and social distancing is a dangerous game that God could see as a lack of faith. We all know where the faithless go when they die. Do you want to pop your mortal coil gasping for your last breath on a ventilator only to be greeted by Satan in the fiery pits of hell, rather than St Peter at the Pearly Gates?

God has a plan and if you snuff it from catching COVID because you chose to go to church congregation to sing and praise our Lord, then so be it; you will go to heaven to spend all of eternity with Jesus.

Are lockdowns godly?

I’m concerned about churches closing down due to the lockdown. If you don’t go to church regularly, you don’t go to heaven. As an authority on the bible, I can’t find anything about closing churches, social distancing, and mask-wearing.

Far from it, the Good Book’s final chapters in the Book of Revelation are dedicated to the end of days, as prophesied by John the Evangelist.

The bible predicts the end of the world—that things are just going to get worse and worse and worse, and more natural disasters.

Jewish laser beams

I cannot think of anything much worse than Trump our Saviour having the election stolen from him by baby eaters as has been revealed to me by Q. He has been sending me Q-drops for a while now, and the revelations are incredible. The Jews have constructed a space laser to burn the Californian forest to promote the Climate Change hoax. The Democrats have built an underground baby eating bunker almost like a McDonald’s drive-through where you get McBaby Burgers ™ and McBlood Thick Shakes ™.

Angels Trumpet tea sent an Angel proclaiming Trump as the Messiah.

God’s words can sometimes be difficult to interpret, so he sends holy people like me to decipher their meaning. I’m lucky enough to receive help from God’s Angels, which definitely exist as they are in the bible, and I saw one after drinking Angels Trumpet tea, which I made from my datura plant.

After drinking the tea, a vision of an Angel appeared in the form of a giant spider trying to eat me. I cowered in the corner, praying for God to help me. My vacuum cleaner answered me, proclaiming Trump as the Messiah. I’m not sure why God made my carpet turn into hot melting lava, and my painting of Jesus morphs into monkey wanking himself off. God works in mysterious ways.

Messiahs always go and promise to come back later. Jesus is taking his time to return, but Trump will be back in 2024. He will win the election or he will have President Biden’s face grafted onto him; this is God’s plan.

Masks and the bible

Don’t panic; please attend church congregations if you don’t want to end up in hell. God is quite specific about religious attire and there is no mention of mask-wearing in the bible.

Given the choice of wearing a mask and not going to church because heathen scientists say so or gathering in large congregations to sing praise to Jesus to ensure our place in heaven, Christianity wins every time for me.

A prayer for Q

Oh God we pray to you
Thanks for sending tips from Q
The more it’s mad, the more it’s real
Trump forever is the deal
Don’t wear a mask or follow rules
If you don’t have faith, you are the fools