A sermon by the Rev Batty Von Goebbels

The Holy Virgin, Ann Widdecombe MEP.

There has been much controversy about ‘Gay Cure Therapy” as promoted by upstanding Christian patriot, Ann Widdecombe, MEP for the South West of England.

As we know, God makes us in his own image and we are all perfect, apart from that he made us all sinners and even went as far as to make some of us batty boys who like to take it up the shitter.

It’s quite clear in the bible that God hates queers, so always remember if you feel in any way attracted to a member of the same sex this could land you a place in the big and yugely eternal lakes of fire in the afterlife when you pop your clogs.

Gays should be burnt to show that God is a God of love

The Bible is a homophobic work which calls for the execution of men who have same-sex relationships, and this would include bisexuals. A recent Cornell University study indicated that all men are bisexual, even if they do not actually have same-sex relationships, but they do respond positively to gay porn even if they are openly homophobic. If, hypothetically, for the sake of argument, I was to suggest on social media that all homophobic Christians should be exterminated, then I am quite sure that I would be hit with a Facebook ban.

Shrimp eating and brotherly love are abominations to the Lord. All gays should be stoned, very, very stoned.

Outrageous books have been written by gay Christians who genuinely believe Jesus to have been a woolly woofter and promoting man-love. This is of course nonsense taking out of context very old scriptures written by primitive tribesmen.

Blasphemous heretics imply our Lord and Saviour might have batted for the other side.

Get out of Hell card for shirt lifters

What to do if you’ve ever engaged in sexual activity with a member of the same sex?

As you know, all sins are forgivable by our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, apart from the obvious one, dissing the Holy fucking Ghost, which cannot be forgiven and guarantees you a free pass to Hell, with no return ticket, upon your death.

We cannot all be as divine and virtuous as the Holy Virgin, Ann Widdecombe MEP.

I suppose you could have as much bum sex as you like, which isn’t specifically forbidden in the bible, or engage with sexual activities with a person of the opposite sex, as long as you say sorry and ask for forgiveness from a priest before you die. You could even get off with the priest if you are under 14.

There are risks associated with this. What happens if you get run over by a bus on your way to ask for forgiveness from a priest after your mate gave you a blowjob the night before because he’d taken too many ecstasy tablets and you were up for it too as there was nobody else around? Don’t get to the church in time to absolve your sins before you die then as always, it’s off to Hell in a handcart for you.

Luckily, Moors Murderer, Myra Hindley, asked to be forgiven for torturing and killing children multiple times, so she assured herself a place in Heaven after she died in prison.

Gay Cure Therapy

This is why Ann Widdecombe is right to advocate Gay Cure Therapy, for your own good, just in case you don’t get absolved before you snuff it. This upstanding pillar of the Christian community, Widdecombe, is trying to save you by trying to change your sexuality from gay to straight, so you don’t end up down in Hell with that naughty Lucifer keeping you in a permanent bonfire made by our all-loving God.

“America’s “bigliest,” most “yuge” and best Christian ever since Jesus, Benny Hinn and Donald Trump, Mrs Betty Bowers, explains to y’all “unsaved trash” Biblical incest, misogyny, paedophilia, polygamy, sex slavery, holy war, genocide and the gang rape of children, complete with Bible quotations.

Without the unchanging and absolute moral laws of the Bible, Christians would be unable to commit incest, misogyny, paedophilia, polygamy, sex slavery, holy war, genocide, and the gang-rape of children in a perfectly good, bigly and Godly way, and might fall into evil – therefore not be able to know how to commit bigly and yuge incest, misogyny, paedophilia, polygamy, sex slavery, holy war, genocide and the gang-rape of children in a bigly, goodly and Godly way.

Ann Widdecombe dresses as a sack of potatoes.

The EU loves fags

Of course, the Devil will always attempt to slur the reputations of good and enormously bigly Christians like Ann Widdecombe, who when they are not trying to pray the gay away out of LGBT people, she is also trying to free us from the communist dictatorship of the European Union.

The EU loves fags. It was European Human Rights legislation that forced our great nation to give homosexual vermin an equal age of consent.

Widdecombe recently came under fire for comparing Britain leaving the EU with the emancipation of slavery, but she had a good point.

People of colour should be grateful they were freed in the first place since the bible God is depicted as both approving of and regulating slavery, ensuring that the traffic and ownership of fellow human beings proceed in an acceptable manner.

Passages referencing and condoning slavery are common in the bible. In one part it says:

“When a slave-owner strikes a male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies immediately, the owner shall be punished. But if the slave survives a day or two, there is no punishment; for the slave is the owner’s property.” (Exodus 21:20-21)

In 1856, the Rev. Thomas Stringfellow, a Baptist minister from Culpepper County, Virginia, put the pro-slavery Christian message succinctly in his “A Scriptural View of Slavery:”

“Jesus Christ recognized this institution as one that was lawful among men, and regulated its relative duties. I affirm then, first (and no man denies) that Jesus Christ has not abolished slavery by a prohibitory command; and second, I affirm, he has introduced no new moral principle which can work its destruction.”

So there you have it, Jesus endorsed slavery, certainly didn’t endorse homosexuality, even though he hung around with a group of men. Ann Widdecombe is simply misunderstood, all she is doing is trying to save you from the EU and the fiery pits of Hell, as any noble holy Christian virgin should.