Adam and original sin

A sermon by the Reverend B. von Geobells

I have just had the most amazing revelation from God. He has revealed his inner thoughts to me through the teaching of the bible. It has come to my attention that the original sin with which we all suffer and Jesus was sent to save us from is all because of Adam.

Even Lucifer is just dishing out the punishments, it’s not his fault we are all sinners. This is Adam’s cock up here. There was one simple rule “don’t eat of the tree of wisdom” (apple tree) and he had to fuck it up. Not saying that Eve wasn’t a bitch for tempting him, but it was his fuck up. Maybe even Lucifer, as a talking snake was merely seeing if God would dish out some wacky punishment on someone else as well.

Adam & Eve cockney rhyming slang.

Would you Adam and Eve it?

Because God loves us all he also sent his only son to be tortured to death on Earth, because this makes it all better. It’s like God is a judge in a court with a criminal before him and when the sentence of execution is read out he says “No don’t execute the guilty man, kill my innocent son instead so I can show you all how fair and loving I am”. A bit unfair on Abraham again that God is allowed to kill his son, but Abraham not. Stinks of double standards but that’s God.

God did actually say, ‘You must not eat the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden. Do not even touch it. If you do, you will die.” . This turned out to be a bit of an exaggeration, since they both ate a bit of apple and did not die. Adam genuinely shits himself “Lord God called out to the man. Where are you?” he asked. “I heard you in the garden,” the man answered. “I was afraid, because I was naked. So I hid.”  : Genesis 3:9.

So it is Adam that we should hate for condemning us to original sin and not Lucifer, since he was already in the shit with God for not serving. It’s that bellend Adam’s fault the world was flooded and then poor old Jesus had to come back to be tortured to death in order to save us. Even If you are an Aborigine in the middle of the outback who has not even heard the word of God you go to hell by default, because of Adam’s sin. What a cunt!

 

Jesus came in my Wellington boots.

A sermon by the Reverend Batty von Goebbels

How dare the decedents of Plymouth brethren, active in the decimation and genocide of Native Americans mention spirituality. The Indians were in a state of pure paradise before the evil Christian puritans polluted the sacred land with dogmatic religion. The teachings of repressed child molesters play no part in a humane society; prayer, often confused with telepathy with plants, mammals, fishes, reptiles, aliens and mother Earth, must not be confused with the insane scribblings of some religious prick.

Must we put up with this nonsense? You know your so-called God is a Semitic work of fiction who doesn’t really exist; all the hatred, killing, maiming, raping and vengeance in the Bible of the false prophet is irrelevant to me!

Jesus came in my Wellington boots.

It made a sticky mess everywhere.

The perseverance of the Christian religion to indoctrinate the masses has only served to cause hatred and confusion throughout the world’s population.

The perpetrators of this evil doctrine have committed genocide against countless populations of the planet, and therefore losing all credibility of any spiritual culture. Creating an aura of fear around any free thinking people exterminating any sources of wisdom!

Let us pray

Jesus did bum
Abraham
Just like God, his Dad, told him to.

Jesus Christ

Jesus our Lord who died for us all.

Christian missionaries have raped and pillaged their way around the world for quite long enough, professing their own sick confused view of humanity; inflicting countless misery upon billions of blameless humans in their wrong self-righteous belief in the evil bible, advocating killing of innocent women and children (though God says don’t kill the virgins, as they should be saved for raping at a later date) and a load of baloney that shouldn’t be taught, or even mentioned to anyone.

Let us pray

John the Baptist gave head
He drank the cum of the serpent
He drowned my daughter in the bath
do you think he was having a laugh?
Noah fucked all the farm yard animals
He only had time to do a few
Thank god Christians can’t interbreed
Or we’d have goats preaching that crap too!
Die in the flood!!! What a shame it didn’t really happen and it’s a fallacy and myth!
None of this bullshit, actually exists.
But we DO!

Jesus and BDSM

Jesus was into S&M. Christians are still into this fucking depraved madness.

They like to torture, Jesus was gay anyway, who took it up the bum or any way it was given to him, as he was a dirty Jewish whore who craved persecution.

The confused masses of the day still seek punishment for their sins. Mathew, Mark, Luke and John were gay sadists who seek to punish their weak followers through religious guilt and fear.

Christianity is painful to any decent soul upon the blessed Earth; those who perpetrated the inquisition and burned us when we were high priests in previous lives, offend everything that is pure, beautiful and innocent (hide away all the choirboys from the dirty catholic priests).